Joy Is In the Journey!

SEPTEMBER 13, 2009 It's amazing how this last 12 months has flown by already. I've struggled in some of my darkest hours in mourning the loss of my best friend. I've felt some of the most painful feelings that I'll ever know in this life. I've literally have had my heart broken into a million pieces. As dark as my most painful hours have been I've been able to smile through all the tears because of my Savior's love for me. I know that he knows my grief and pain in a more intimate way than I even will. He truly has ran to me in so many way's during my time of need and He has lifted me and has carried my burden.

As much as it has hurt I have found joy in the journey. I've learned so much about myself and how strong I've become. I see life in such a different way than most people and what this life is about. When I went hiking or backpacking in the past I was always so caught up in the destination of that pristine camping spot next to the lake. My goal was to get there as fast as I could and when I did that's when the beauty and solitude would start for me. I would hike head down and pound the miles out until we would arrive. I couldn't wait to get there and to enjoy my little Eden away from the hustle-and-bustle of the grind of life. After Roshelle died last August I went backpacking for three day's with a friend and his brother. For the first time I found myself looking all around me and taking my time. I would stop, take a deep breath in and feel the crisp clean air fill my lungs. I would stop along the way and turn around and take in the view that was behind me and affront of me. I could finally enjoy the warmth of the sun that kissed my face and the cool mourning breeze that chilled me because of the sweat that was on my face. I layed in the tent the next day tired and not feeling good. I layed in the tent with Texas(my dog) for hours on end and slept all day and just listened to the wind wrestle the tree's above me. I would open the tent fly to get a cross breeze in the tent and let Texas snoop around. I found myself fascinated with the micro world that I could see on the ground with it's varying types of insects. As with us they have to live their life gathering food, raising off spring, and building a home.

"Joy Is In the Journey" and I have to remind myself every day to look around and take in the view. Spend a little extra time with someone in need, kiss a little longer, hug someone like you never want to let them go, tell the one you love that they mean the world to you, don't get casual with the words " I love you" mean it, be quick to forgive, look for the good in the world (you only see what you want), and simply put, live your life with no regrets. I'm still trying to apply all this in my life right now and forever. But the beauty of this life will unfold to us when we remember that " Joy Is In the Journey."

Happy Birthday Roshelle!

I miss Roshelle asking me what I bought her on March 1st and my typical dumb look of it's not your birthday yet dear. In typical Roshelle fashion, she say's it's my birthday month and I should get something everyday of the month. Hmmm...spoiled brattttt!!! I remember one birthday when we had this conversation I reached down and kissed her on the lips and wished her happy birthday. She said, your not getting off that easy, you have to do something little for me each day of the month and so the tradition started.

Happy Birthday Roshelle! I'm glad you have been around me the last couple of day's. You have been so close that I at times could've reached out and touched you. Thank You! I miss you beyond what my finite mind can comprehend, my soul hungers to be with you, and their is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you or miss you. Happy Birthday my LOVE!

"The Strength of A Woman"

I had the opportunity to go to the Draper Temple open house on February 28th. I went with a woman named Jenny that I have been dating for the last two month's and her three children. We sat next to each other and held hands during the eleven minute video about Temple's. During the video my heart was very tender for the Temple, the eternal family, the power of the Priesthood, and the Savior and His Atonement. The five of us took a bus to the Temple grounds and entered the Lord's House. Even though the Temple isn't dedicated yet, I could still feel the Spirit strongly as we walked around it. As we walked around the Temple I continued to hold Jenny's hand and every once in a while put my arm around her waist.

As we made our way around the Temple I could feel "The Strength of A Woman" at my side for the first time since Roshelle passed away. I could feel the power of her testimony, her faith, I knew she believed in me and cared for me. I could feel it everywhere we went that evening. I felt closer to her spiritually and emotionally as well. I can't describe in words what I truly felt, except that the "Power" woman posse is truly Divine. She warmed me from within this evening.

Jenny and I talked that evening about our thoughts and feelings of the night. I told her what I felt as we walked around that evening. She said that she felt the same way and told me that she just couldn't stop looking at me the entire night. She said that she couldn't believe that she had a righteous Priesthood holder at her side and loved the feeling of having someone that truly cared for her.

Deep in the Heart of Texas!

My sister in-law Cara and her husband Justin flew me down to San Antonio for Christmas break. I had fun down there talking about old times and new ones as well. It was fun to be able to play with their children and spend time with them. I got lots of baby cuddles so I won't do something stupid like go get married so I can be a father. I got my share of Cara's excellent cooking and a good dose of tex-mex and BBQ. I enjoyed watching their kids tear open their Christmas presents on Christmas day. I've never have been on the adult end of things and so I loved watching the joy on their little faces.

I had the opportunity to rent a car and go down to Houston for a few day's as well. I ate lunch with my parents and brother twice and saw their home for the first time down there. I spent time with my friend Robb and Rebekah and their two little girls. I was able to see some old friends while playing basketball one night with them.